Saturday, August 7, 2010

[Amanda Rose]

Grant knocked on Sasha's door and said, "Hey! Wake up there!"

Sasha jolted at the unexpected knock on her door. Hearing her brother's voice her shoulder's slumped for a moment. Then she grimaced and rose, moving over to the door. Her hand reached out, fingers curling around the knob. Pausing for a moment before she opened the door, looking up at her brother, with shadowed eyes.

"Hey, got a call last night from Josh. I told him that you were out and he seemed to understand but he was wondering when you were coming back to D&D group."

Sasha blinked, "Oh." She said with a tiny puzzled little frown. "I... I don't know." Sasha swallowed, catching herself before she blurted anything about how she felt. She didn't think that anyone would actually seek out her company. "I... When... Did he say when they'll play next?" She asked softly.

"Today, I think. Don't you play on Saturday evenings? Or at least that's when you used to play, I think."

"Tonight?" She thought a moment, forcing herself to remember what day of the week it was. "I... I don't know...." She faltered, shoulders falling a little.

Grant took a stern pose. "What don't you know? You have a hot date or something that I don't know about?"

Sasha shook her head, an almost frightened look on her face at the notion of dating anyone. "No." She swallowed again, uncaring of how she looked in the sweats and old tea shirt she'd slept in. Her hair tangled from sleeping and not having been washed or dealt with for the last day or so.

"Then what? Huh? You've sat locked in your room the entire summer. That's not right, Sasha!"

Sasha's eyes widened a little when he spoke. "I... I've been out." She shuddered a little as she remembered the mishap with her power that'd landed her stranded overnight in a hospital on the other side of the country. She'd managed to get away before the police showed up. Her parents had been furious with her. More so, because she'd refused to tell the where she'd been all night. She'd spent the last several weeks grounded.

"Out where?" Grant ask, planting his foot firmly on the ground near Sasha. "Don't BS me, Sasha."

"I was grounded." She said, "For the night that I was... out all night." She reminded him, shrinking into herself when he seemed angry with her.

"That was quite some time ago. That's done." He got angrier. "You haven't done anything or gone anywhere. You can't live like this, Sasha. Every minute that you stay in there is another that Michael controls you. Is that what you want?"

"I don't care about... him." She said even softer than before, shrinking back into herself. "I've been...trying out my powers," she whispered. "That's what happened that night. I ended up in a San Francisco hospital overnight. I managed to get away before the police came to question me."

"Trying out your powers?" Grant asked skeptically in a whisper. "In your room, now. We're going to have a chat." Grant made it clear that Sasha didn't have a say in this and reinforced it by strutting into her room.

Sasha stumbled back a pace when he stepped forward into her room. "About what?" She stammered confused. She'd been telling him the truth about that at least.

"About you. Does everyone know that you're practicing? And if so, just how long is this taking? I highly doubt it takes every moment of every day of summer."

"Everyone?" She murmured, "No one knows about... What I can do but you." The league knew, but none of them actually knew who she was. She'd kept her true identity from them. "Not all the time. But most of the time."

"You know who I mean and I'm not buying what I'm selling, Sasha. Your little jaunts in and out can't be done everyday for 12 hours plus a day."

"Why not? I have to learn the extent of my powers. I have to be useful." She breathed, blinking back the burn of tears. Why is he so angry with me? She thought desperately, feeling like her last friend was abandoning her.

"How are you useful as a person if all you do is work? Is that who you want to be? Someone that just does homework and work? No smiles? No fun? Where's the joy for you, Sasha?"

Sasha's lips trembled ans she opened her mouth but couldn't manage to get anything out for a long moment. "I have fun. I like to study." Fun hadn't gotten her anything but pain recently and she was doing her best to avoid anymore pain.

"Uh huh. What was the last party you were at? Who was the last friend you went out with? When did you do anything that was not nose in a book or work related? Hm?"

He growled, "You need to get back out in the world. Despite Michael being an ass, I never saw you as happy as I did before he did what he did!"

"Happy?" She echoed looking puzzled at the notion. "I..." She trailed off, trying to think of when she had been out with anyone over the course of the summer. "I was at the league meetings," she offered, though she was sure that wasn't going to pacify him. She sniffed, one single tear slipping free and running slowly down her cheek before she could stop it.

"Great. You were at work. Do you do anything with anyone there? Or is it all just work? You need to get out! Be with your friends! I mean, D&D isn't my thing but those boys worship you from what I saw."

"You say that you wanted me to do things, get out. And when I tell you I was... You get angry with me." She said wretchedly. "Who? Josh and the others?" The idea that the boys might worship her was a surprise and she wasn't sure that it was a welcome one.

"Josh, Greg, and the rest of those boys. And yes, I'm telling you to get out there. When I tried to stop you before it was because I knew what you might be getting into! But are you going to let him control your life? Make you a nun? For Pete's sake, Sasha, this," he said gesturing around the room, "is not LIVING LIFE!"

Sasha wrapped her arms around herself, hugging herself tightly as her throat closed up. Her lips trembled for a long moment before she pressed the firmly together. Her chest heaved slight as a sob shook her. "Get out," she choked, just a second before tears flooded her eyes and trickled over.

Grant stood firmly. "No. Make me." He looked hard at her and said, "You're not living like this anymore."

Sasha lifted her head, her tear filled eyes on his. Then she released herself, reaching out to shove him in the direction of the door. "Get out." She said again, both of her hands slamming against her brother's chest. But he was bigger than she, and getting him to move wasn't going to be easy. especially not now. She'd been barely eating these last few months. Mostly because nothing tasted good to her anymore.

Grant felt Sasha's pressure against him but he was used to being struck by football players. Sasha was much smaller and with little strength from lack of nutrition was not going to budge him by natural means. "No. You can't make me and I won't. I'm not going anywhere until you come to your senses."

Sasha gritted her teeth, realizing that there was noting that she could do to move him though strength of arms. She shoved at him again one more time before she spun away giving him her back." Fine." She gritted out. "Then I'll go." She inhaled sharply, focusing her mind so she could use her ability to teleport herself away. If he wouldn't leave then she would.

Grant grabbed on to Sasha's arms and said, "Oh, no you don't. Not without me and I'm not sure you can do that yet."

When Grant's hands closed around her arms, Sasha gasped, terror griping her as she realized that he was holding her when she was using her power. Her hands slapped down to cover his as she pressed her back against his chest. Maintaining as much physical contact as she could as it was too late for her to stop what she'd already started. Dear God. She thought desperately, Don't let me hurt my brother.

When they arrived at her destination, Sasha's head was swimming, and she felt almost as bad today as she had the first time that she'd her power. She'd have fallen to the ground but for the grip she had on Grant's arms.

Grant could see that Sasha was exhausted as she looked like she was about to feint. Concerned, he asked, "Sasha, are you OK?" He looked around and wondered out loud, "Where are we?"

"No." She choked, her grip loosening despite her efforts to maintain her hold. Nausea rose within her and she didn't dare speak for fear of throwing up at his feet. She let out a low whimper, then crumbled at his feet.

Grant picked up Sasha in his arms and cradled her. "Well, we had better figure it out and get you something to eat or better, drink. Where were you thinking you were going?"

Sasha swallowed down the gorge that'd risen in her throat when Grant lifted her in his arms, "Lib... Library." She leaned to the side, dry heaving violently.

Grant looked around again trying to refresh his memory to determine if this was the Neptune library.

Sasha continued heaving for several minutes before she finally managed to get her stomach back under so sort of control. She gasped frantically, her eyes closed, her hand pressed to her lips.

Grant realized that indeed, they were at the library, but of course, the library had not opened yet. He carried Sasha from the tiled area from the lobby to the water fountains by the bathrooms and carefully leaned her head to the faucet as he pressed the button to make the water come out. "Drink and carefully."

Sasha opened her eyes enough to see where he'd carried her, then sipped slowly from the cool water flowing from the fountain. She only drank a little before turning away. She didn't want to upset her belly.

"Well, this is an interesting pickle that we're in, now. Library will open in an hour or so and you're in your PJs. We need to get you enough strength to take us back home and then make sure you that you are well fed to have energy for tonight."

"I'm sorry." Sasha whispered brokenly, her eyelids drifting slowly closed. "I didn't mean... I'm... s... sorry."

"Non issue once you get your strength back." He pointed her head back in front of the faucet. "Drink. And tell me that you're going to start living life rather than hiding."

"No." Sasha said quickly, turning her face away when he urged her to drink again. "I can't." Her face was ever so faintly green at the mere idea of putting anything else on her stomach.

She didn't know what to say about his last demand, so she didn't say anything. Hoping he'd let the matter drop.

"You can and you will." The water started to splash over Sasha's face. "To both."

"And maybe you'll even go on a second date with Josh. You never did tell me what happened on the first."

Sasha kept her lips sealed, but she did let the water flow over her face, cooling it. "Saw a movie. It was... nice."

Her choice of words hadn't been meant to be as unclear as they'd turned out.

"Did he kiss you? Did he do anything inappropriate? If not, why didn't you go out again?"

"He... He never asked." Sasha said weakly, then lowered her head so that the water flowed over her forehead rather than her lips.

"He never asked to kiss you or for a second date?"

Sasha shook her head, then moaned as pain shot though her head. "He did kiss me, but..." She grimaced, her breath hitching, "I... He... It reminded me of...."

"Why?" Grant asked concerned. "What did he do to you?" Sasha could sense Grant's protective ire rising.

"He... Nothing. He didn't do anything. It's me." She swallowed hard again. Hearing the protective note in Grant's voice, she reached out blindly, patting his cheek. "He didn't do anything wrong."

"Then what's wrong? Why didn't you go on a second date?" Grant looked at Sasha and asked off handedly, "Feeling better yet or do you still need water?"

"Because he didn't ask." Sasha said sounding tired. "No water." She told him, "I don't wanna be sick again."

Grant lifted Sasha away from the fountain. "There must be a reason he didn't ask. He invited you back to D&D. Seems like he still likes you. What gives, Sash?"

"I told you. It's my fault. But... When he kissed me? It reminded me of... Of..." She found herself unable to force herself to say Michael's name. Not even to her big brother.

"Michael isn't Josh. Michael's an ass and Josh was cheated on by a jock. Just remember this: All jocks but me are assholes." He stopped and said, "OK. That's not true but mostly true of the football players."

"I know that. But I... I messed up. He kissed me and I just... I hurt him. He doesn't want me."

"How do you know? Clearly he must still like you. He invited you over to play...."

"He didn't ask me out again. He just wants to be friends." She said as calmly as she could, resting her head against Grant's shoulder.

"You sure that's what he wants? Or is that what you want? Still letting Michael control you?"

"He didn't ask me out." Sasha repeated, "But I can't blame him. I screwed up. I just... When he kissed me, I couldn't take it." Tears tricked down her face again dampening his shirt as she lay in his arms.

"So apologize and ask him out, especially if you like him!"

"Is that fair to him?" She asked, "When I can't stand to be kissed? I can barely stand even casual touches. Josh is... He deserves better."

"And so do you. The more you don't do anything, the more Michael controls you. Stop him and stop him now, Sasha. You can't live like this. I don't like watching it either. You're wasting away. And if you don't get off your ass, it is noogies and tickles for weeks. Oh, and never mind that I may have to tell mom and dad about our little secret here. Want them to worry?"

"Noogies and tickles?" Sasha rolled her eyes, "What are you twelve?" She asked before he threw out his last threat. Her face paled and she squirmed in his arms, heedless of her upset stomach. "No." She gasped, "You can't. You promised."

Grant held Sasha tightly while she squirmed. "I did. But if your entire life is going to be work then your parents should know what it is. It is time for you to live again. Have fun. If D&D and Josh are fun, then do it! If journalism is fun, do it! I want to see my sister smiling again and enjoying life. You live the way you are, well, then Michael will have won. He will always be in your head and if you want that, well, I could give you his phone number again so you two can live your lives together forever. What do you say?"

Sasha's face screwed up and she fought against his hold, shoving at his chest and kicking her legs. "I say that I'll never forgive you if you tell mom and dad. You promised." She fought harder, anger beginning to stir deep inside of her.

"Stop squirming, Squirt. You're not going anywhere and you have to pop us back home." He looked at her seriously and said, "Stop avoiding the subject. What's it going to be?"

"I hate you." She hissed, still fighting against his hold, her struggles getting her nowhere fast. This only served to piss her off more, even as her store of energy bgan to wane.

"Sure you do, Squirt. And you will hate me more until one day you come out on the other side of this shit. So, what's it going to be?" he asked with a deadly calm.

Balling up her fist, Sasha punched out at him, kicking and squirming using every fighting trick he'd ever taught her. "Put me down or so help me God I'll teleport you to the North Pole in the middle of the night!"

Grant hid the pain that Sasha was causing him. "Yeah, explain that one to our parents - why I'm suddenly missing with no trace. Maybe I should write a note and contact your boss...."

"Teenagers go missing all the time." She said still struggling against his hold. The anger that had fueled her fight was satrting to wane. "Fine!" She spat, then gave up, galring weakly at him. "I still hate you, though."

"I can accept your hate if you live a happy life," he replied with a sympathetic smile. "Besides, it is only normal to hate your big brother." He looked around and asked in a slightly pedantic manner, "So, what are you going to do after you pop us back home?"

"Take a nap." She said sourly, still glaring at him with all the fury that was in her heart. "I just hope that I can." She said. "I still have no idea when I'll be able to take us home. Since I didn't mean to take us both here."

"And after the nap?" he continued before reminding her, "You're going to have to figure out how to take us back in 15 minutes or we're going to have some very interested librarians."

"Then I plan to kill you." She said with forced sweetness. "After that I guess I'll be going to prison."

"Uh huh. And that would be a waste for everyone. However, more immediately, what will you be doing?"

"After I kill you, get sent to prison and teleport out you mean?" She said sarcastically. "Then I guess I'll be going to the D&D game." Her expression was akin to someone who had just bitten into something extremely distasteful.

"Good. And you're going to have fun, even if it kills me," he instructed Sasha, pleasantly. "Now, I suggest you use your strength to pop us back home and I will wait on you hand and foot to make sure that you're well enough to go to said D&D game."

"I'll go." She said, "But I never said anything about having any fun." Sasha closed her eyes, reaching deep within herself, doing her best to ignore the nausea that still plagued her, picturing her room in her mind's eye and focusing with every fiber of her being on getting her brother home safely, even if it killed her. When they reappeared in her room, Sasha hung limply in his arms, her breathing faint and rapid.

Grant immediately laid Sasha on her bed and then rushed to the bathroom to get a cool wet washcloth. He laid it on top of her head and then got a glass of water. He sat beside her and monitored her to make sure that she was improving.

Sasha didn't stir when Grant laid her down on her bed or when he covered her forehead with the wet wash cloth. In fact, she didn't wake for nearly two hours, and when she did she was as weak as a kitten. And like a kitten she hissed at him when she opened her eyes and saw him at her bedside.

Grant laughed at the hiss. "So, feeling better, I see?" he mocked.

tag

[BanksAT]

Awesome! Love it!

[Sasha Madison]

Sasha snatched the damp cloth off her forehead, balled it up and hurled it at him as hard as she could. Then she turned on her side, putting her back to him, refusing to talk to him. She'd have ordered him from her room, but she was quite sure he wouldn't listen so she didn't bother trying. For now she focused on gathering her strength so she could go to the D&D game. Unlike her brother she'd keep her word once she'd given it, so she had to go. Though she'd be damned if she'd ever accept a ride from her traitorous brother again.

[Amanda Rose]

Josh waited nervously. He was simultaneously glad that Sasha was coming over for D&D and terrified. They had not talked much since their date in April. Josh was pretty sure that’s what Sasha wanted: to just be friends. After all, she stiffened at his kiss and seemed to get more uncomfortable at that point. Then she told him that it was “just her.” Was that not the universal signal for “I like you, but not in that way?” So, Josh had waited for Sasha to approach him. He waited and waited and waited.

Sasha was never rude to him but she never went out of her way to speak to him and once school ended, he heard nothing. So, he invited her to D&D. He had to know where they stood and apologize for upsetting her. Maybe then they could continue to be friends. And maybe, she could go out with some other person, probably a jock. After all, she was the prettiest girl in school. She deserved someone much more popular.

Sasha shifted her backpack feeling more than a little ill at ease herself as she turned up the walkway to Josh’s house. She knew she’d screwed thing royally. After all Grant had reminded her of that fact in no uncertain terms. When Josh hadn’t asked her out again, she’d assumed that he wasn't interested in her. Not that she blamed him for feeling that way, after all she could barely stand her own company.

When he’d invited her to the D&D game again, she’d been surprised considering what she believed he felt about her. With Grant refusing to leave her alone, and threatening to tell their parents she had little choice in the matter, even if she hadn’t actually been interested in having someone to hang out with. She just hoped that Josh wouldn’t bring up the fool she’d made of herself on their disastrous first date. Panic gripped her as a thought occurred to her. What if he’d only invited her over to humiliate her in front of the other boys? Sasha’s footsteps slowed as she fought the urge to turn and run home.

Before she could do either, the door opened. Josh gave Sasha a warm smile and told her enthusiastically, “You came!” He walked up to her, considered giving her a hug and opened his arms slightly. They then dropped to his side as he then thought maybe he should shake her hand. But again, he dropped it and then smiled awkwardly. “I’m really glad you decided to join us again,” he finally told her.

Sasha smiled a little at Josh's enthusiasm, "Yeah. I wasn't sure..." She trailed off, biting her lip a moment before speaking again. "Thanks for inviting me." She shuffled her feet when he moved closer as if to hug her, then seemed to think better of it. The faint pink of her cheeks drained away, and she struggled to keep the tiny smile from fading completely. Oh man, she thought, I ruined everything. He must hate me. She fiddled with the strap of her backpack, her gaze lowering to his chin, unwilling to look any higher. If he looked at her with scorn, she didn't know what she was going to do.

"Who... Who else is here?" She whispered finally, eyes flittering over his face ever so briefly.

“Nobody yet. You’re the first. I, um, well, told Grant for you to be here a bit early.” Josh blushed furiously. “I, um, well, wanted to talk about the night we went out first.” He bit his lip. “I’m really sorry about the whole thing. I mean, well, I guess I didn’t understand you just wanted to be ‘just friends’ and I guess I made things awkward between us. I’m sorry.”

“Early?” She echoed looking confused, then her face went black when brought up their disastrous first date. A faintly worried look entered her eyes when he apologized. “It’s not your fault. Like I said that day, it’s not you, it’s me. You’re a great guy. I… I hate that screwed things up so badly.” She was still wondering why he’d thought that she’d only wanted to be friends. She hadn’t said anything of the sort. All she’d said was that the problem was with her not him. And she’d meant just that, she was the one unable to tolerate being kissed, not because of Josh, but because she hadn’t been able to let the trauma of Michael go.

“You?” Josh asked. “You did nothing wrong. I mean, I pushed you a bit. And, well, I’m sorry. I just really like you, Sasha. You’re the prettiest girl in school and I’ve always thought that you’re great. But, I can be just friends if that’s what you want. I just wanted you to know that.”

Josh looked at Sasha conflicted. “But I wouldn’t object to trying again if it was all a misunderstanding,” he added quickly with a hopeful smile.

Sasha’s lips trembled, and she pressed them together fighting against the burn of tears for a long moment before she could speak. “I… I just don’t know if I can… Be more.” She choked out, then swallowed hard, her eyes swimming with unshed tears. “You deserve better… Than me.” She let out a bitter little laugh, “You deserve a girl who can stand being kissed. Not a basket case like me.”

Josh looked hard at Sasha. Uncertainty was in his eyes. “Um, Sasha, are you telling me that you like me in that way but the problem was the kiss?” He paused again. “Is this because of that schmuck? He’s made you afraid, hasn’t he?”

Sasha lowered her gaze from Josh’s probing look, unable or unwilling to face him. She did like Josh, but after everything she’d been through these last few months she really had no idea if she would ever be able to accept the attentions of anyone ever again. Her brow furrowed when he asked her if she were afraid, her shoulders slumping a bit. “I… I guess.” She mumbled quietly, feeling like an absolute idiot… again. I really need to get used to feeling this way I guess. Cause I really am such a moron.

Josh beamed. “Well, then, we will have to try again! I’m sorry that I didn’t understand, Sasha. I wanted to go out with you again so badly but I obviously didn’t get it.” He paused and lightly took her left hand in his right. “We’ll take it slow. I won’t push anything. K? I just want to be with you and we’ll work out the kissing and whatever as we go.”

Sasha’s breath hitched and she exhaled shakily, when he took her hand in his, beaming at her. Part her wanted to take him up on his offer, but she didn’t know if it was fair to him. What if she never got over this? Could she really do that to him? She thought feeling like an absolute heel. “What.. What if I can’t?” She asked hoarsely, gripping his hand tight.

“I don’t believe that you can’t, Sasha. I have faith in you. And, well, apparently, I’m good for support,” at least until they go off and cheat on you with a jock, Josh thought. He put his other hand on Sasha’s to show more support for her but did so in a way that was comforting and not firm. “And, I believe you’re worth it.” He nodded at her for further assurance and effect. “And, unlike my last girlfriend, my mom LIKES you.”

Sasha managed a wan little smile, but she couldn’t sustain it for longer than a moment. “I hope that you’re right. God how I hope you’re right.” She said, her lips trembling as she tried to smile. She looked down at their joined hands. When he said how his mother felt about him, a half sob, half chuckle escaped her. She wasn’t sure exactly how she felt about the fact that his mother seemed to like her so much.

“I know I’m right and I’m glad that you still want to see me. I’m sorry that I didn’t realize what was going on. Had I known, well, I would have called you sooner and we would have gotten this fixed sooner.” He moved a little closer to Sasha, his hands not moving and cusping hers like she was a fragile treasure. “I guess we should communicate a bit better with each other, huh?” Josh gave Sasha a look of mixed sympathy and pleasure.

Sasha pressed her lips together, her gaze holding his steadily despite the tears that gathered in her eyes and slowly started to spill over, running down her cheeks. “Maybe… Maybe we can try.” She said softly, flexing her fingers within his grasp. “And yeah. We do need to talk. Communicate better.”

Josh took the hand that was over the top of Sasha’s and moved it to her cheeks and gently wiped the tears with his finger. His other hand interlocking with Sasha’s held hers gently but firmly. “You’ve made me very happy, Sasha. I’m very happy that you want to do this with me. I won’t let you down. But, um, why are you crying?”

“I don’t know.” She said, sniffling and blinking frequently, trying to stop crying. Her emotions had been all over the place. The morning teleport, and the falling out she’d had with her brother, plus the lingering weakness had her on edge and she was still tired despite the fact she’d asleep most of the day. “I told you I’m a basket case.” She said again.

“Well, if you’re a basket case, then I guess I’m going to have to keep holding you,” he told her with a wider grin. He then moved within inches of her. While his fingers were interlocked with hers, he took his free hand and reached it around her back and slowly, he started to bring Sasha into a hug.

Sasha’s eyes widened slowly as he moved closer, using his free hand to draw her closer, enfolding her in his embrace. She shuddered, then let out a deep breath, letting her head fall to rest against his shoulder. With her hand held by his, her arm was trapped between their bodies she wasn’t able to return the hug. Instead she just stayed in his embrace taking what comfort she could from his hug.

Josh let Sasha’s head stay against him for some time. He said nothing but breathed deeply, enjoying her closeness. After a couple of minutes he whispered in her ear, “Do you want your hand back or me to have both of my arms around you?”

She didn’t say anything, but she did ease her fingers from his and slipped her arms slowly around his waist, burrowing closer into his arms, her face pressed against the crook of his neck. Tears had started to flow again, despite everything she was doing to keep them at bay. She hated herself for the weakness, but she just couldn’t seem to help it.

Josh let go of Sasha’s other hand and reached behind her to embrace her more fully in the hug. He pressed her close, feeling her more tightly against her. He whispered in her ear, “It’s alright, Sasha. I’ve got you. You’re safe.”

Sasha was as close to Josh as she be short of somehow crawling inside of him. Some part of her felt bad for using him as an escape. But she’d been honest with him, and as she huddled in his embrace, swore to herself that she always would. But she didn't tell him that just yet, merely tightened her arms around his waist, the tears she couldn’t stop, still trickling slowly down her face.

After several minutes, Josh placed one of his hands at the back of Sasha’s head and started to stroke her hair slowly. He whispered, “So, um, you want to go in? I’m sure the guys will be here soon….”

Sasha jerked, somehow having forgotten that they were still outside, in full view of anyone who passed by or merely looked out a window. Her cheeks, already blotchy from the tears flamed and she found herself wishing herself anywhere but here. It was just a wish though, not the focused use of her power. "Oh God." She breathed, a horrified look on her face. She didn't want anyone to see her like this and did her best to hide her face as they went into his house. "Can I use the bathroom?" She whispered, covering her face with her hands, her head lowered.

“Of course,” Josh replied happily. “Mi casa es su casa.” Josh then stopped and thought about that as he escorted Sasha to his front door. “Actually, I think ‘su’ is too formal. That’s the third party use, isn’t it? It should be ‘tu,’” he decided as he opened the door for Sasha to enter.

He advised Sasha, “You know where the bathroom is. When you’re done, come downstairs. I’ll make sure that your seat next to me is saved, K?”

Sasha shrugged, “I don't know. I’m taking French.” She mumbled in response to Josh’s comment about Spanish. “Thanks.” And with that Sasha fled for the restroom to wash her face in the hopes of erasing the evidence of her tears.

Five minutes later, having done all she could to her face, Sasha headed down to the room where the group played, pale but determined to face the group…. And Josh.

Josh beamed when he saw Sasha and he patted a seat next to him.

Only Greg had arrived by then. The pimply face boy looked at Sasha and smiled. “Good to see you back. You still remember how to play?”

Sasha nodded, her lips twitching into a teeny smile then it faded as she slipped into the chair beside Josh. The she looked stricken. "Oh no." She muttered, "I forgot the dice. Such an idiot."

Steven walked down the stairs, a snarky look on his face as he came down and said, “Well, well, look who decided to come back. And forgot her dice?” The tone of his voice was slightly scolding.

Josh piped up, “That’s not a problem, Sasha. I’ve got plenty. You can share mine.” He beamed at her again and took her hand.”

Greg noticed Josh take Sasha’s hand and then blushed. He turned away, slightly embarrassed, his obvious crush on her still unrequited. “Or you could use some of mine,” he offered.

Steven’s jaw dropped slightly. To him, letting anyone but oneself touch one’s own dice was tantamount to blasphemy. After all, you never knew if that someone else might jinx the dice. He said nothing, however.

Having always been sensitive to criticism, and having only gotten worse in the months since the her dealings with Michael and her attempted suicide, Sasha picked up on the tone in Steven’s voice and shrank back, stammering an apology, “I… I’ll just go… um.. Home and get them.” She whispered, swallowing hard and scooting her chair back in preparation to getting to her feet.

Steven look confused by Sasha’s statement and asked, “Why?”

Josh held Sasha’s hand more tightly, bringing it closer to his hip and said, “There’s no need. Bring them next time. As I said, you can share mine. Besides, I’d hate you to not be here for anything.”

At this point, Matt walked down the stairs and asked, “Was that Sasha that I heard? Is she…?” and then he looked at Sasha as he got to the bottom of the stairs, “Are you back to stay?” he asked hopefully.

Sasha winced when Josh squeezed her fingers, but stayed in her seat, most because she was sure that it’d hurt more if she stood up. “Because I forgot the dice.” She told Steven, her gaze not quite meeting the other boys eyes.

She looked over when Matt appeared, her lips moving in one of her almost smiles before her expression smoothed out to blankness again. The hope in his voice sent a pang of worry through her. She didn’t like the idea that they counted on her. It’s only a matter of time before I screw this up too, she thought pessimistically. ”For as long as I can.” She murmured, “I just… I don’t make promises that I can’t keep.” She told the group, her tone apologetic.

Steven looked at Sasha like she had two heads. “So bring them next time. It would delay game to get them. Use Josh’s. He seems awfully eager to share with you.”

Matt smiled at Sasha and said, “We’ve missed your role play. Glad to hear that you’re planning on staying. Have you had time to update your character? Everyone’s level 8 now.”

Sasha shook her head. “No.” She said quietly, “What do I have to do?” She looked over at Josh, her gaze ever so slightly curious. She was clueless about what to do next. After all she’d only just started gaming when she’d tried to to kill herself.

Matt said, “No problem, Sasha. Anyone of us can help you out with that. You could either do it the long way by following the Core Handbook for advancing your character. Page 30, I think. Or one of us could pull up the Pathfinder sCoreForge program on the internet and get it done faster. You just need to be able to think what your character would have done and become for the time that she’s been away from the party. Do what makes sense for her.”

Josh and Greg looked at Sasha expectantly, both beaming at the prospect of showing their character building skills.

Sasha nodded, reaching for the game book, trying to remember her character's personality, and ambitions so she could say what the priestess had been during in the time that'd passed in game. "Um.... I guess she could've been studying?" She ventured after flipping through the book and reading the section Matt had told her about. She looked down at the book again, then at her character sheet as if she'd find answers to the boys questions there.

Matt prodded, “Perhaps she went on a quest for her deity?”

Josh piped up, “Quite possible and realistic. Who knows what Gods want?”

I certainly don’t. Sasha thought, her lips twitching briefly. “That’d work.” Sasha said, then reached for a pencil so she could make what changes she needed to her character sheet. “What do I have to do first?” She asked, glancing from Josh to Matt to Greg, but avoided Steven’s eyes.

Josh offered, “Why don’t we use the program? That way you have all the options in front of you and you can cater to your character easier. Also, it eliminates math errors.” He then gave a meaningful glance over at Steven.

Greg asked, “So how did you imagine your priestess? I mean, what would you like her to be able to do?”

Matt asked, “Do you want her to be single or multi-classed?”

Steven grumbled, “Hope she will understand how to cast all her spells. We need a priest but I would hate to die because of newbie errors.”

Simultaneously, Greg and Josh piped up, “I’ll help her.”

Josh continued, “And I know she’ll get it quickly. Sasha’s really smart.” He turned to Sasha again and beamed.

Sasha shot Steven a look, “I did play her before.” She murmured, her tone soft, but slightly hurt at his grumbled comments. She pressed her lips together, lowering her gaze to hide the sheen of the tears burning in her eyes. Maybe this was a mistake. She thought, feeling more than ever that he didn’t want her here. She inhaled, fighting for her composure. “Maybe you should make a cleric then.” She told him tonelessly. “SInce you don’t think I can handle it.”

Greg and Josh laughed. Greg followed up with, “Ooh! She told you, Steven!”

Josh gave Sasha a reassuring squeeze of her hand.

Matt smiled. “Great to have you back, Sasha. Someone needed to balance things out better.”

Sasha managed an uncertain smile at Matt, confused by his balancing things comment. She stole a peek at Steven, trying to gauge the other boy's reaction to both her comment, and the fact that Josh and the others had laughed, and sided with her over him. She was concerned he'd be mad at her for causing it. That was the last thing she needed, someone else angry with her. "Can there be two clerics in a party?" She asked softly, looking around at everyone but Steven.

“Two clerics?” Matt asked confused. “Yes, but you would be the only one. Steven is the rogue, Josh the mage and Greg the fighter.”

“For now.” Sasha said with a half hearted shrug. “But if Steven makes one then there’d be two.”

Matt asked, “Why would he make one?”

Steven asked, “Yeah, why would I?”

Sasha’s gaze flew to Steven’s looking very confused. Is he making fun of me? She thought, the familiar feeling of panic rising within her. “Be… Because you said I couldn’t play her right.” She stammered, feeling a faint flush rising in her cheeks. “This was a mistake.” She breathed, feeling totally wretched, “I shouldn’t have come.” Idiot! She berated herself, fighting the urge to simply vanish from the boys’ midst. If not for the fact that she was had absolutely no intention of letting that particular cat out of the bag, she’d have risen to her feet to leave. But as she was focusing on keeping her power in check, she didn’t dare move for fear she’d teleport herself back home before the eyes of Josh, Matt, Greg and Steven.

Steven rolled his eyes. “I said no such thing.”

Josh defended Sasha, “You implied it.” He held her hand tightly and then turned to Sasha, “Of course you should have come! We need you and want you.” He then gave her a wink and whispered, “Especially me.”

Greg also came to Sasha’s defense. “Yes, Sasha! We want you here! Don’t go!”

Matt said, “Please stay, Sasha. We enjoy having you here and they’re tired of my NPC cleric.”

When the three other boys came to her defense, the tension eased in the face of the surprise she couldn’t hide. Her eyes flared wide and she gaped at them for a moment before closing her mouth with an audible snap. Her face flushed and she blinked rapidly to keep them from seeing the tears, happy ones this time. “Okay.” She breathed, managing a tiny smile for Greg, Josh and Matt. She let out a breath, squaring her shoulders as she looked back at the character sheet before her. “So what do I have to do first to bring her up to speed?” She asked, ignoring Steven for the most part. Maybe he didn’t want her here, but it seemed that the others did. At least for now. She thought then shook her head, banishing… or trying to banish such thoughts.

“Well,” said Josh, “the quickest way is just to use the program. You just need to determine what special skills and feats that you want her to have.”

Matt nodded. “That’s right.”

Greg continued, “And to the extent that you do not know how to use or do something we will help you out until you get the hang of it.”

Sasha looked at the three boys, “Okay.” She said softly, then moved to sit down at the computer, easing her fingers free of Josh’s grip so she could use the mouse. “Now what?”

“First, enter in your stats. Then, you will see that you get a bonus point at fourth and eighth level. Put in where you want them applied and the computer will automatically add them in. After that, it is off to the trait sheet, feat sheet and skills sheet. Pick and choose. The computer eliminates what you can’t do,” Josh told Sasha.

Sasha glanced at her character sheet just to check what her stats were then started typing her focus on the computer screen rather than the character sheet laying beside the computer. She didn’t need to considering how good her memory was. When she’d entered everything she could, she read the options allowed her character’s class and selected what she felt was most appropriate for Niana. When she was done, she looked back towards Josh. “Is that it?” She said.

“Just need to list your weapons and equipment. I’m sure Matt will let you buy some magical equipment. You can get up to your default starting money level of level eight,” Josh advised as he looked at Matt hopefully.

Matt nodded. “Yes, that’s fine. Everyone else has magical equipment and weapons. You can look at the core to sort out the prices.”

“Okay.” Sasha said, skimming the lists of magical equipment. “She can’t wear armor so what does that leave her?” She mused, skipping that section. “Can she get one of these magical backpacks?” Sasha knew that Niana wasn’t all that strong so it made sense that she would buy a bag that let her carry more without the normal weight. She started reading over the weapons that Niana’s faith allowed her to wield.

“Bag of holding?” Matt asked. “Sure.”

Sasha gave one of her tiny smiles, then wrote the bag on holding on her character sheet, before deducting the price from the money that she had. “Can you think of anything else she might need? Or should have?” She asked once she’d purchased more of the herbs used in healing and herbalism. She was the party’s healer after all, and she took that very seriously.

“Was there a reason that you decided that she does not wear armor?” Greg asked.

Sasha blinked, then started to stammer, “I thought… since she…. couldn’t use weapons….” She trailed off, then glanced back at the computer. “What can she wear?”

“Depends on what your goddess allows but most clerics can wear armor and weapons are also varied,” Greg told Sasha simply. “We can look it up for you,” he offered.

Sasha worried her lip between her teeth for a moment as she thought about Niana. “I think that she’d wear the best armor she can.” She said with a shrug. “Since she’s not a fighter.”

“She should have elven mithril chain!” Josh jumped up excitedly. “And magically enhanced so that will not hamper your casting and give you lots of pluses on your AC.”

Sasha flinched when Josh jumped up unexpectedly, then forced a smile, hoping no one had noticed. “Can she afford something like that? And where would she get it? I thought I read somewhere that only Elves could wear it.”

“No, no. Anyone can wear it,” Josh explained. “It is rare, though. You either find it in a dungeon or are given it by an elf, perhaps your elven parent? You still have to pay the gold for it for playing purposes.”

Sasha looked up the price, then let out a faint sigh. “I don’t have quite enough. What other kind of armor is good for her? That her Goddess would allow her to wear?” She asked even as she started flipping through the book in her hands.

“Any light or medium armor is fine. So, plate’s out,” Greg answered quickly. “Chain would probably be best for now.”

Sasha deducted the price of chain mail armor from her gold and added the armor to her character sheet, quickly doing the calculations so her AC and encumbrance values were also updated to reflect her newly acquired gear. She hadn’t ever intended to outfit Niana is anything as heavy as plate armor, despite the high AC value it offered. She just couldn’t see the slightly built priestess being able to carry that kind of weight. “Anything else?” She asked after a bit, glancing from her character sheet towards Greg, then Josh.

“Do you have weapons?” Greg asked.

Josh let his hand trail towards Sasha’s.

TAG

[Sasha Madison]

Sasha blinked, "Just the club." She said without glancing at her character sheet. She didn't need to, she was fully aware of her character's weapons... Or lack there of. "She's not supposed to draw blood so she can only use weapons that don't."

When Josh's hand brushed her fingers, she blinked, her eyes shooting his way for an instant before returning her attention to Greg. She slipped her fingers into his hand, giving a tiny squeeze.