Luke Osswell's Personal Log

[lucasausems]

Luke stood watching out of the small window from his quarters. The room was dark, lightened only by the glow of stars. "Computer", he said softly, "resume playback." With an affirmative beep soothing musical tones began to reverberate throughout the tiny space that was Luke's quarters. Luke stared into space and closed his eyes...

Koop - Absolute Space (1997)


He let the music reverberate through him, let peace flow through him. He quietly recounted the events that had brought him to this ship. He remembered the Catian Ambassador. Even though his time with the feline woman had been short, they had been wonderful. Luke wished those days would've lasted forever... Within his fantasies he pictured himself with her in an eternal embrace. Pretending the musical vibrations were her bosom, he lost himself within it. They spent countless evenings together, talking until the early morning. Exchanging stories, ideas. Telling jokes. Other evenings they would just lie side by side, quiet in each other's arms, listening to each other's heartbeat. He had remembered one time when she had told him to close his eyes and let her guide him. Letting him trust her like no one had ever before. Without fear he let himself fall, knowing she would catch him. And indeed, there she was, every time. Never letting go, never holding back. He felt safe, taken care for, harboured, nurtured. And he knew that she felt the same way. He remembered their fears of being discovered. This made their time together only more precious, because they both knew it was finite. Whenever the darkness of such fears started to touch either of them, the other would put a finger on the lips of the one.

No need for words now.

He dared not open his eyes for otherwise the spell would be broken. Right now, the view his fantasies offered was so much better than gazing into the infinity of absolute space. He imagined her whispering, whispering softly those sweet words. Words of love, words of desire, words of naughtiness and lust. And he had whispered them to her. Everything had been so purrfect then...

But now...
No need for words.

Would he ever again come close to what he had felt, then? Or was it lost forever? His heart was drumming to the beat of the music. He suddenly felt a compelling desire to reach out to her and never let go! Oh why did they had to force them apart? Why couldn't they just be together? He pictured her then within his mind. The image of her began to fade. Memories were all they were now. There was no space for her now. Not anymore. But neither for him.

There's no space.
Left for me.

He knew his heart was broken for her. And he wept for her, he drowned himself in tears. Hoping, fantasising, wishing that somewhere, out there, perhaps she would be doing the same. He longed for them to be close once more. But I'd never come closer...

There's no space.
Left for me.

The ever-smiling Luke Osswell had a hole in his heart where his love once was. For a little while he had thought that Captain Cindy might fill it up. But he had been wrong about that. It appeared he was stuck with a Captain who didn't know what she was doing. He questioned her tactics and her orders. A woman like that wasn't fit to lead. A woman like that wasn't worthy of his love. She was nothing like the Catian Ambassador and Luke knew now that she could never be replaced by any woman. He felt guilty for falling so easily for someone who was not her. Even though he knew he'd probably never see her again in this lifetime.

But he then also felt guilty for dismissing the Captain like he had just done. Her heart was in the right place, Luke had no doubt. But her approach to things left much to be desired. His crush on her would not help matters at all.
He decided then and there that this was to be the end of it. No more 'Captain Cindy'. No more crushes on women in power. No more loving for the sake of needing someone to love. There was no space for that, if he was to survive the coming 5 years...

He would let love find him, for a change, when he was ready again.
And concerning the Captain, he'd not have her spinning around in his head again. If next she'd give ridiculous orders, he would speak up. They'd been lucky this time, but he didn't count on being lucky twice.