How long had she sat at her desk, chin resting in her palms, with an increasing pile of PADDS stacking up in front of her? What was going through Nav Khangura’s mind? Was it Whitney? Her career? Luke Oswell? Or was it simply a combination of all of them which had her perplexed, focused inward… almost lost.
She had a lot to consider, a lot to mull over. And although it was nice for someone to like her aboard Frankie, it wasn’t her priority. She was here to do a job, and for as long as she had it, until her boss took it away from her, with her help, of course, then she would have more time for other things. Things. People. Friends…
She wiped her face with her hands and sighed deeply, her elbows sliding along the desktop and sending a batch of PADDS skittering off the edge and sliding across the floor. And for the first time, Nav didn’t care. As the Assistant Chief of Engineering, she got to clock out. They had her frequency… and she needed a break. Her feet began walking and Nav found herself standing outside of a door she’d seen this side of more than once. She blushed, realising that it was Ensign Osswell’s quarters, but too, she had felt he needed a what? An explanation? Something else entirely?
She would stop all of this nonsense before it even began, and before she could let her better judgement intervene, she’d depressed the chime on his door.
It had been a long day on the Bridge today. Calibrations, reports, analyses, numbers, calculations, spreadsheets, endless rows of data. Luke had almost forgotten what a normal day at helm felt like. Because what is a pilot to do when the ship is on auto-pilot, in friendly and well known territory, where every speck of space dust has been charted and accounted for in every space chart? What was left for a pilot then? Administrative responsibilities, that’s what was left. He had administrative duty hours scheduled into his roster on a standard basis, but Luke thought he might as well do them now, with all quiet ahead and not too much fuss going on on the Bridge. He might earn himself some extra free time the next day.
So, content with having, in essence, combined 2 shifts into one, making this into one super productive day, Luke was tired as f**k now, and was in desperate need of some R&R.
His bunkmate had the night shift, so he had the room to himself for the next 8 hours. He didn’t mind bunking up so much, but his short tenure as a Lieutenant Junior Grade before the Legacy had made him miss the luxury of having his quarters all to himself. So now, that he was alone, he made the most of it. He had changed into his comfy clothes, replicated a bag of potato chips and a bottle of Thumsup (the Indian coca cola, far better than its American parent). Lounging in his couch, he was about to play the ancient movie of Star Wars the Force Awakens, when the door chimed.
Silently cursing to himself he ‘unlounged’ himself and walked to the door. When it slid open, revealing the graceful form of Nav, Luke was quite dumbfounded, and barely managed a stammering ‘uh...hhmhh’.., as a way of greeting.
Nav looked as surprised as Luke did when he opened the door. He wasn’t in uniform, and she was still dishevelled and hadn’t even managed to get to her quarters before barging in on him. “Hi,” she said. Short and sweet. “You… uh… you look busy. I’ll let you get back to your… whatever it was you were doing, and we can talk another time.” Perhaps by that time, she wouldn’t have to. Maybe by that time the court martial would have been announced and she would be spared the need to say goodbye to anyone aboard.
Besides, her determination had dried up just as quickly as it had flared and she realised it was a poorly executed plan. She should… she should go.
She should definitely not go. A thousand thoughts flashed through Luke’s mind. Why was she here? Had she stood in front of this door before? Did this have anything to do with what had happened in the mess hall this morning? He had thought about going to see her tonight, maybe after the movie. But he had never expected her to appear here in front of his very doorstep… What did this mean? Did it mean anything at all? Was he mad? He felt like some teenage boy suddenly standing face to face with his crush, he felt his cheeks and ears reddening more and more with every nano second. As she was starting to leave, Luke felt this chance slipping away from him.
Before he knew it, he reached out and took Nav’s hand. Her hand felt soft, delicate, warm, unleashing an entire new surge of emotions, feelings and heart beats that he was sure the ship’s internal sensors would pick up and report as an anomaly to the tactical console on the Legacy’s Bridge.
But he had hold of her now, and everything else didn’t matter anymore. “I...I have time..” He stammered. A toothy awkward grin that was supposed to be a warm smile formed on his face.
Nav wasn’t sure what had happened. She had turned to go, but something had stopped her. It felt like a jolt that travelled up her arm and her eyes widened in surprise. She had turned back to him, and suddenly felt what it was… he had her by the hand, and she had hoped he didn’t notice the trembling in it as her face flushed, and two warm circles appeared on her cheeks.
“Oh.” She hadn’t expected this turn of events. She was simply going to tell him that it was impossible, and that he should.. like someone else. She bit the inside of her lip and thought how silly that sounded in her head. “I… uh…”
Looking past him into his quarters, she could see that he was getting ready for something. She was intruding.. but he wasn’t letting go. “Ok.”
Amazing command of the English language, she thought to herself wryly and wasn’t sure if she should reclaim her hand, leave it there… squeeze his… or pretend that she didn’t notice the contact that was still making her tremble with it. She went with the latter because she was Nav. And she had no idea what might come next.
Neither had Luke. But here they were now, and something was about to happen, that was for certain. It felt like they were standing on a cliff, peering into the depths, the slightest puff of wind might hurl them right off, and who knew where they’d land then. Or crash… Or sprout wings…
It took a moment before Luke realised they were standing in the middle of the corridor, holding hands, shooting pheromones at each other. Time stood still, they were in their own little universe now, their own private subspace anomaly. Bet those interior sensors were sounding all kinds of alarm bells up at the Bridge.
He lightly squeezed her hands, both in an attempt to bring him out of this daze and to reassure her everything was alright. Even dazed it was hard not to notice her trembling. It told him enough.
“Why don’t you come in?” Luke offered.
He hadn’t let go, instead he’d made a show of knowing exactly what he was doing. And Nav, embarrassed, unbelievably shy and self-conscious, and about the colour of a red dwarf in its last lingering stages, could do nothing but nod dumbly and let him lead her forward. She had tried to run, tried even to make quick work of a conversation she’d played in her mind for the last 18 hours… at least. Straight, even.
She wanted to thank him, even tried mouthing the words, but they wouldn’t come out. She couldn’t even swallow to wet her mouth and blinked several times as if to check on reality. No. She was still there. And her heart, now beating a mile a minute pounded in her chest, found a harmony in her head and she changed her focus, looked away from him so Ensign Luke Osswell wouldn’t notice the bright colouring of her face. But it was too late; she’d already made a fool of herself. Without a train of thought in her head, and without an idea what she might say… or if he’d be willing to listen to her ravings anyway. An invitation in was a nice place to start. Even if it DID make her even more nervous than ever.
Now a wave of doubt surged through his brain. What now? He had invited her in. She hadn’t declined, but not exactly accepted either, she seemed content to be led, for the moment, which Luke took as a good sign. Nav wasn’t the spontaneous type, at least not in these cases. Or was she? She had after all come to him, and not the other way around. He felt an odd mix of harmony and apprehension within her. Like him, she also didn’t know what was going to happen.. Luke decided to not pressure her too much, her being in his quarters was probably already far beyond what she had ever imagined herself doing. And that precipice gave no clue as to what kind of drop they would make, if they would fall at all…
He slowly led her in. The door closed behind them, inside the room it was dark, a small bedside lamp provided the only illumination. The sudden darkness kind of surprised Luke, and undoubtedly Nav as well. For the shortest of moments, Luke inched closer to Nav, but stopped almost immediately, weary of that cliff they were staring down from. Instead, he showed her to the couch, gestured she could sit down, if she wanted to. He then let go of her hand, a sudden cold where earlier her hand had been in his palm. “One more Thumsup”, he ordered the replicator.
Nav felt almost lost without a hand to guide or steady her. But she immediately kicked herself. Nothing to rely on, no one… and she looked at Luke’s back as he stood by the replicator, she sat down, perching on the edge of the couch. “Ensign,” she said, her voice soft and far too quiet. Clearing her throat, she tried it again.
“Ensign,” she said, trying to formalise the meeting, despite her informal feelings, and the deep colour in her face. She had to clasp her hands together in front of her, squeezing them as she tried to stop their motion. It was as though she were cold, but it was a relief to be in darkness after the stark bright of the corridor. It might be easier for what she was about to say.
“I…” well, that was a good start. Now, keep going, Nav… “I think it would be best if we…” she swallowed, suddenly self-conscious with the word. Clearing her throat to cover her pause, she continued. “If we..” Standing up, she was at a loss and knew that no matter what she said, she would be embarrassed. “Friends,” she managed to choke out, not a single impression of belief in her words. “We remain friends.”
Looking down at her feet, she didn’t know what else to say. But it came out anyway. “I’m leaving the Legacy.”
e stood there holding out the bottle of Thumsup, waiting for her to take it, when she dropped the bomb. The tingling feeling in his stomach was at once replaced by a very uncomfortable knot that twisted his insides around. For a moment he didn’t know what to do, and just stood there. Slowly, the words sank in. Leaving. She was leaving. Why? Did he dare ask why? Was that even his place to ask? Was it because of him? Had he been too close with her? The knot increased in size. He had to say something, give some sort of reply. Some sort of acknowledgement.
“Are you leaving now?” He asked, slowly, trying to keep the sadness out of his voice, still holding the drink out before him, waiting for her to take it.
It was her shame speaking. She didn’t even look up. “No, not now.” There was a heaviness in her voice and she kept it low, and even. If she had done anything differently, she might burst into tears, and that would never do. Not at all.
A small silver lining accompanied by a slow sigh of relief escaped Luke’s lips. “Then let’s sit…” he again offered. If she really was to leave, they might at least try to enjoy this one moment, Luke thought. But the idea of this moment being the only one was almost as unbearable as having none at all… Luke sat down too. His expression was one big question mark as he looked into Nav’s beautiful brown eyes, but he patiently waited for her to give an explanation.
“I would say after the Court Martial.”
It was an offhanded remark, as though everyone was aware of her shame. She hadn’t needed to share this with anyone aboard, but with Luke? She felt… Taking a deep breath, she redirected that thought. She felt she owed him an explanation before losing everything and heading somewhere else in shame.
It took everything she had, but she looked up and noticed Luke’s hand. “Thank you,” she said shyly, and sat back down on the couch, heavily, as though a burden, though lifted, still weighed on her.
Luke’s questioning face turned into a confused frown. “A court martial?” He could picture her doing anything wrong, much less something so serious that would warrant a court martial... “What court martial?” Was this her way of escaping? Inventing illusions so as not to have to deal with an uncomfortable reality? But that didn’t sound like Nav at all, she was insecure, yes, but still, he rejected that assumption because it sounded too absurd. There must have been some mistake somewhere. Luke simply couldn’t believe it, otherwise. Still, despite the millions of questions he had in his mind, he waited patiently for her to tell her story, and sat down next to her on the couch.
Nav took a small shuddering breath and let it out slowly, taking a sip of the drink. It would have been better if it had a kick to it, but this conversation might be better sober. “Lieutenant Whitney.” She said it as though that explained everything. “I struck him during the Orion incident.”
Her fingers tightened on the bottle, as though she might wish to choke it in lieu of the man. “So, that’s… I…” Her shoulders slumped further and she closed her eyes, not wanting to even acknowledge that she was sharing her shame. “You should distance yourself as much as you can from me.”
She sighed briefly. “For the sake of your career.” Because mine is shot, she thought wryly.
He just stared at her for a moment, but then his eyes twinkled and a grin spread across his face. “You struck Lt. Whitney?” He couldn’t suppress a hearty laugh. After the seriousness and heaviness of the past 5 minutes that hearty laugh felt like the best thing ever. “Wow…” That was seriously the most awesome news he had heard today, although he wouldn’t say that out loud at this moment. He had never liked the Chief Engineer, too cocky, but he was also happily surprised to hear that Nav could pack a punch. That still left the serious business of this court martial, but Luke had picked up on another detail, and he smiled once more. He felt elated and fought to keep down his elation. Luke was already convinced there would never be a court martial and that Nav would therefore have no reason whatsoever to be afraid of leaving the Legacy. And, no less important, she had, most likely unintentionally, admitted to remaining just friends because she was afraid she would leave. But there was more left unspoken than that, and it filled Luke with a lot of joy.
His laughing fit over, he saw the look of surprise and confusion in her face. He heaved a deep sigh. He leaned slightly towards her, and again took her hand. “My dearest Nav, you struck him during the Orion incident, when we were all under the influence of those pheromones. You weren’t yourself, neither was Whitney, none of us were…. Though I am pretty sure the guy had it coming. The Captain will see this too, and do away with any court martial business.” He paused to take a breath. Before she could interject, he continued: “You see, no court martial, no leaving the Legacy… We will both still be here, serving on board the Legacy...together…”
Her voice got very quiet and she shook her head once. “You weren’t there, Luke,” Nav almost whispered. “The Chief was adamant. He is determined to have me off this ship.” She gave him a self-conscious smile and shrugged, curling into herself. “I gave him the excuse he needed; you didn’t see his face.”
There was a solid stone sitting in her gut and she was grateful for Luke’s hand, but didn’t feel she deserved it. Or the dismissive way he was referring to the end of her career. Yes, it was the court martial, and he seemed convinced that she wouldn’t be going anywhere. But not according to The Chief of Engineering.
She leaned forward, placing the half finished bottle on the table. “Thank you,” she said again and moved to leave. What more was there to say if all he was going to do was laugh about the one pivotal incident that was about to define the balance of her career. All 4 months of it, most of which would be used up awaiting trial.
“I appreciate your opinion, but…” steps were going to be taken. Her life was about to change, and it would be irresponsible to drag anyone down with her. She squeezed his hand and smiled, leaning forward to kiss his cheek before she could stop herself. “Wanting something is not going to make it so.”
His cheeks were burning where she had kissed him. He hadn’t expected that, never dared would have… He understood her position. How daunting it must seem to her. Whitney was her direct superior andshe saw only that, an angry and vengeful commanding officer. But there was also something as abusing one’s authority for personal gain, and Luke had a strong feeling that this was the case here…
She was still sitting next to him, still holding his hand. She could have stood up and left after the kiss, but she was still here. He looked at her. Taking it all in. Her lovely eyes, the shape of her eyebrows, her long flowing hair and the many other delicate features that made Nav, Nav.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have burst out like that, that was inconsiderate… It is noble of you to not want to drag anyone down with you, but…” he looked down and paused before looking up again. “I don’t care. If I choose to stand by your side, then that is my choice, and I see no reason why I should not help you get through this.” He held her hands tighter. “I can’t force you to let me help and stand by you, but you do not have to do this alone.”
And before he knew it he leaned forward and kissed her.
Nav’s mind was racing a mile a minute. She looked at Luke and was about to open her mouth to protest, to remind him of the trouble she was in, the fact that she could, she should walk away, let this whole thing lie, and she had reached that place, that centre of her being when peace was all she felt, but then it had run away from her.
Before she could act, react, stand, say something or anything else, she felt a warmth… he was so close and it was his lips. Part of her mentally processed that before it went tripping out the door.. It wasn’t planned, and it felt a little awkward. She flushed a deep red, and was sure he would regret that last action, kissing a criminal… but for that moment, that shared moment, everything was suspended. She breathed in and let the feeling move through her, and although she would have denied it, or not even recognised it, she did indeed kiss him back.
It was grateful, appreciative, and no less a release of something that had been building but had not just been denied, but completely ignored. She was in unknown territory, something she had expected in her chosen career, but never expected in her personal life. If she had training to go into dangerous situations on unexplored planets, this should be a piece of cake. But however her logical engineering brain tried to break it down, it came to the same conclusion.
There was no logic here. And for the first time in Nav’s life, she didn’t seem to care. And she didn’t know if that was good or not, but when she pulled back, she looked at Luke, looked into his face and smiled. “Thank you,” she said. For the kiss? For the sentiment? For his support? It didn’t matter. Because after that moment, she returned his kiss with one of her own, which was considerably less impulsive, and not quite as awkward.
This long long long awaited JP has been brought to you by:
Nav and Luke, lovebirds in the making
(and about damn time)
