The 'We're All Gonna Die!' Game!

[Sjet]

So this is a game often seen on Facebook, but I think we as writers can spice it up a little. Add a touch of pep to an otherwise bland dish of witty banter. So here's the pitch...

To your left is an item, can be anything there but it must be on your left hand side. This item is to be used to defend yourself against a drunken Klingon/Wampa/Reaver/Winter Shide Noble/IRS Tax Collector. Pick one nemesis from the list, and then 'show us' in a single paragraph how this item would save your life if one of those things came for you. Or hey, you know what, maybe you don't win. But just like Prize Fighting keep the contest clean, no hits below the belt, and come out of the corners swinging!

+++

[KendleRJ]

It is the trusty comforter of doom, set against the evil, nasty molestations of a Reaver attack. It won't be of much use, except maybe as extra padding for the raping part, but I think I'm lucky in that I'm already bleeding out horribly and parts of my pieces are now decorating their various clothing. Of course, they get a brief attack of the snugglies and completely overlook the rest of the cowering hoards, giving them the brief seconds needed to flee. They live, I'm quilting material, but the item has saved the day. Mostly. I believe I shall now call it, The Big Damn Comforter.

[Azaria]

To my immediate left is a toddler... as the rampaging Klingon barreled through the house towards me, I quickly grabbed my son, spanked him on the bum, and flung the ensuing river of snot with the occasional bit of dirt that had previously been shoved up his nose towards the alien... who - being a hypochondriac, squealed like pig and immediately ran in the opposite direction.
The day was won, and I only had to comfort a peeved and snotty toddler for a few moments before he saw the klingon shaped hole in the wall and made a quick escape in the direction of the playground.

[Sjet]

Okay we have to stop the game now. Seem's those guys at the Geneva Convention got all riled up about using a kid in combat: who knew cooties were considered a chemical weapon?

[Amanda Rose]

[Azaria]

technically a biological weapon, but still covered under the Geneva convention.

[Sjet]

I have a open envelope from a lawyer so...

Huum. Death by paper cut? Death by lawyer? Both are viable options, but I will wait for others to weigh in on this topic before confirming my choice of weapon.

[KendleRJ]

Hm... which would be a better story hook... perhaps a miniature lawyer, wielding his letter in triplicate, his open letter at his side like a sheath? I know them lawyers is dangerous folks they is.

[Cmdr Phil]

To my left is my trusty handbag. Although it contains a great many items that are in themselves scary awesome, the long shoulder strap permits a good swing and I suspect with a decent wind up, I could whack a Wampa good and hard on the nose - which if they are as like bears as I suspect, should be sufficient distraction to enable me to make a quick getaway.

[Sjet]

"Whack A Wompa And Send Those Stormies Running!" Rebel propaganda prior to the fall of Hoth.